Communication Mini Series (Part 3) : Nonverbal Communication

Article contributed by

Lawrence Quek, AccountStaff

In our daily lives, we are either busy with our work or our family affairs. We are simply too busy to take a look at the peoples around us. If you are taking the MRT train, you would observe all kind of nonverbal communication. We need to be constantly reminded that nonverbal communication exist, and from the moment we are out of our bed!

We may ask our friends to sit down, and look at each other (not staring). We can tell what is going through in our friend mind, just by looking at what they are doing, and through their body language. The messages that we are getting from them can either be confusing, and it can be the messages that the other party wishes to express through body language.

I usually take train to work, and would notice someone would stand outside the yellow line. One of their legs would stretch out, and they are prepared to “rush” into the train, the moment the train door open. They would close their eyes, read newspaper, chit chat, and even fold up their arms upon finding an empty seat. Some of them even turn on their MP3 player volume so loud, and the engine sound of the train have been covered up. There are lots of non-verbal communication exist within one minute, and how many of them can you see ?

KINESICS refers to gestures, movement of the body, or its extremities, facial expressions, the states of muscle tension or relaxation in body parts, postural attitudes, and behaviors involving the eyes such as winking, blinking, and the direction and duration of eye contact and gaze. Emblems, Illustrators, Affect Displays, Regulators, Adaptors, Eyes, Arms and Legs are some example of Kinesics.

Emblems : Behaviors that are not verbalized, can be directly translated into a very specific verbal entity called emblems. In a football game, when an official raises both arms directly overhead, he is indicating one of the teams has scored. Similarly, when the umpire’s raised hand, with fingers flexed and thumb extended, he means that “you’re out!”

Illustrators : It refers to the behaviors that accompany speech and are directly related to it. It is use to emphasis, to clarify, to illustrate an idea through the use of body movement.

Affect Displays : This refer to the elements of nonverbal communication to which we probably respond most directly and consciously. The droop of the head and shoulders can express sadness, weariness, or depression. Facial expression may indicate a wide variety of feelings, ranging from depression and anger on one hand, to joy, delight, and exaltation on the other.

Regulators : During any conversation, signals are passed from one person to another, or to the group as a whole. We call these signals, cues, or regulators. We can discourage a person from speaking through avoiding eye contact or head-shaking.

Adaptors : An adaptor is a nonverbal behavior we use to manifest some of our unconscious needs of drive. Some of these actions are scratching our heads, rubbing our noses, covering our mouths, or chewing our glasses are ways of handling anxiety, hostility, or other negative feeling. We are not aware of displaying adaptors ourselves most of the times.

Eyes : The eyes play a very important role in communication. The length of time that you hold eye contact with another person is generally an indication of the degree and quality of our relationship with that person. Eye contact with a stranger is usually very short time, or avoiding eye contact totally could be happening. Ben Jonson quoted “Drink to me only with thine eyes, and I will pledge with mine”. We are recognizing that person when we are looking at him. Our eye pupil size tends to expand when we see something interesting, and they tend to contract upon seeing unpleasant things.

Arms and Legs : Our arms and legs also play an important roles in conveying either specific meaning or some indication of the communicator’s feelings and attitudes. When we fold our arm, we are telling the other party that we are defending ourselves!

PROXEMICS refers to our personal space – the distance from another person at which you feel comfortable and at ease. We can divide personal space into four categories of distance namely : Public Distance, Social-Consultative Distance, Casual-Personal Distance, and Intimate Distance.

Public Distance : These usually happen in the movies theatre and sports events. We are sitting in a chair, and the event is happening at a minimum of 12 feet away from us.

Social-Consultative Distance : The Social-Consultative Distance refer to the distance between 4 feet and twelve feet. In a classroom, we are usually more comfortable with the lecturer speaking to us, in this range of distance.

Casual-Personal Distance : The distance here is at a minimum of between one to one and half feet. We are usually more comfortable speaking to friends, colleague, and family members in the casual-personal distance.

Intimate Distance : Our immediate family members, husband and wife, and lovers usually speak to each other in a very close distance in a private situation. We would not feel comfortable if we were to speak to stranger in such a close distance!

DRESSING is another mode of nonverbal communication. If someone wear jean and t-shirt to attend a formal event, and it is stated clearly that all present need to be in business attire, that person is not attending this event with sincerity at all!

Let’s take care of our daily nonverbal communication style from today!

Leadership Mini Series (Part 3) : Delegation of Authority

Article Contributed By
Lawrence Quek, AS Team


In our daily working hours, we often hear the following phases :
- Please settle this by today! Thanks!
- Your assistance to complete the updating of records by today is greatly appreciated!
- This is very urgent! Please do it now!


As leaders in today global organizations, delegation is part and parcel of leadership requirement. A leader is only a human being, and can only do the work of one person. A team is lead by a team leader, who delegates authority to the team members with care and consideration. The team members will help the team leader to accomplish the team’s goals and objectives within the timelines.

Rationales for refusal to delegate
Have you ever hesitate to delegate authority to your team members? I have experienced it and it was some of the following reasons:
- I can do it better myself.
- I fear of my team members making mistakes that cannot be “repair”, and I need to “fire fight” it.
- I fear giving them lot of works and responsibilities, and they can’t reach the timelines.
At the end of one year term, I almost “suffocate” myself although the club has achieved its goals and objectives.

Aspect of Team Building
Careful delegation of authority is one of the most important aspects of team building! After one year as Charter President of the club, I realized the following :
- With proper delegation, it plays to the team’s strengths and gives team members valuable experiences.
- It gives team members the opportunity to shine, while the team leaders have more time for more important roles and/or appropriate activities.

Ways and Means to delegate
While delegating authority and responsibility is important to the team success, we can follow the following guidelines:

Choose the right people – Every individual has its strength and weakness, we need to choose someone who is capable, able, and willing to take on responsibilities.

Make your expectations clear – Everyone has expectation of every project goals and objectives. The team members need to know the project objectives, project goals, project timelines, and the expected results.

The Progress Report – It is critical to inform our team members of the mode of submission of The Progress Report. It could be weekly submission, and/or monthly submission. The Progress Report can be submitted via email, and/or by hardcopy with authorized signatures.

Give appropriate authority – When assigning authority, we need to give appropriate authority. Don’t assign manager access to the team member who requires only officer access!

The person commitment – The team leader needs to get the members commitment of the roles and responsibilities, and must be willing to complete the work within the timelines.

Communication Mini Series (Part 2) : Understanding the 5W1H of Communication

Contributed By

Lawrence Quek, AS Team

In order for us to be an effective communicator, we need to understand the 5W1H of communication.

Why is there a need for communication ?
There are ten causes for communications, they are namely :
(1) Giving Effective Praise that portrays sincerity and generates motivation and enthusiasm.
(2) Delivering Criticism without creating confrontation and conflict
(3) Conducting or participating in effective Performance Review sessions
(4) Conducting or participating in an effective Interview for a new job or promotion
(5) Making an Apology that touches the heart and convinces the mind.
(6) Asking Effective Questions to probe for facts and provoke for ideas.
(7) Arguing without Offending
(8) Communicating to Build Rapport and Create Trust
(9) Communicating to Create Collaboration and Engagement
(10) Communicating to Resolve Conflict and Reach Agreement

What are the ways and means of communication ?
There are several ways and means of communications, they are :
(1) Telephone
(2) SMS
(3) E-Mail
(4) Face to face
(5) Verbal
(6) Non-verbal

Who are we communication with ?
It is important for us to know the person we are speaking with, we need to use different communication method for different type of peoples. If we are communicating with our superiors or subordinates, it is best to call them to talk to them personally, instead of emailing them. They are usually “bombarded” with email, and they are too busy to reply their email within a short period of time.

When we are speaking to our friends, it is usually in a very friendly environment, and we can speak about all sorts of things. If we have an “issue” to be resolve, it is best to meet face to face, rather than communicating over the phone, as it is easier to solve the “issue”.

The most common type of communication methods are verbal and non-verbal communication, and it is the method which peoples are communicating unknowlngly.

When is the time to communicate ?
There are always times to eat, times to think, times to sleep, times to rest, and times for any other things. Do we need to have appropriate time to speak and to communicate ? There are so many things to settle within a day, and our mind can only focus one things at anyone time. It is best to plan a meeting time for office matters, as we can gather all relevant persons together to solve the “issue” we are facing, as it is more productive and efficient.

Where are we speaking ?
We can communicate anytime, anyplace and anywhere, but the environment in which we are communicating is very important. If we are talking about non-confidential “issue”, we can discuss them outside the conference room. If we are discussing “issue” which is confidential and related to company “issue”, it is best to discuss them in the conference room, or any room which has all four walls seal. You will never know who are the peoples surrounding you !

How to communicate effectively ?
While we acknowledge that we need to communicate effectively, to avoid being misunderstood, and to be understood, it important to use all the communication skills that we have acquire through our daily life. Usage of appropriate words in appropriate times and in appropriate places is equally important. Our facial expression, our body language, and our vocal variety have to be use in an appropriate manner to avoid being misunderstood. By doing so, we have less “fire fighting” work to be done in our daily lives.

Understand more on verbal and non-verbal communication skills in Communication Mini Series (Part 3) : Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication Skills

Leadership Mini Series (Part 2) : The V-Formation

contributed by Lawrence Quek, AS-MS Team

It is not what we are, but what and how we do to impress others through our actions and words. Our actions speak louder than our words. As leaders, we need to walk the talk as a team. It is our attitude and actions that determine the success of our organisations in today global ecomony.

Have you ever heard of the canadian geese that fly in the V-Formation ?
Have you ever wonder why they are flying in the V-Formation ?
Is there anything to do with leadership style ?

In any Toastmasters Club Executive Committee, there are 8 roles that require 8 persons to perform. It is very important that every individual performs their roles, and hit the club target. Sometimes, I need to learn the other officers roles, and help them at the same time. It doesn't matters which roles we are playing, we can learn the roles of our own colleague, and perform our role at the same time.

I recall holding seven Executive Committee (partial roles) during my term in Whampoa Toastmasters Club from 1 July 2004 to 30 June 2005. I was the Charter President, and had a heavy responsibilities of leading the team of officers to help the club to achieve President Distinguished Club status, the highest status a club can achieve, and recognise by Toastmasters International.

On top of perform my own roles, I had to take up partial roles of other club officers in my team. With determination, we strived together and we reached our destination together achieving President Distinguished Club status on 30 June 2005.

How does the V-Formation works ?
A V-Formation (sometimes called a skein) is the symmetric V-shaped flight formation of flights of geese, ducks and other migratory birds.

Flying in a V formation aids the birds in covering long distances efficiently. All birds except the leader are flying in the upwash from the wingtop vortices of the bird ahead. A little upwash assists the bird to support its own weight in flight in the same way as a glider can climb, or maintain height indefinitely, in rising air. Energy efficiency can be as much as doubled by flying in a V-formation. The birds flying at the tips and at the front are rotated in a timely cyclical fashion so as to spread flight fatigue equally among the flock members. The formation also facilitates communication and allows the birds to maintain visual contact with each other.

This scenario is applicable to all type of organisations. One officer lead the way while the rest of the officers observe around and provide feedbacks to the leading officer. This continue till the team hit the targets, and achieve the organisation goals (especially the long term goals)

The benefits : We work and learn as a team, just like the canadian geese. We benefit from each other's hardwork and contribution through walking the journey together as a team, and help each other throughout the journey. Together, Each of us can Achieve More (TEAM)

Communication Mini Series (Part 1) : How to Inspire Our Clients Through Presentation

contributed by Lawrence Quek, member of AS-MS Team

Presentation to our client with Inspiration and Passion, and our client would be impressed with us that they bought the product from us! During presentation, the butterflies in our stomach seem to fly everywhere and not in formation, there are ways and means to make the butterflies in our stomach flies in formation.

Know Our Material Knowledge is wealth. Keep on doing our research and ensure that we know everything on what we are presenting. Our clients are so intelligent that they can tell whether we are knowledgeable about our products via the Questions and Answers Session. Focus on the message, and ensure that we communicate the message right to the heart, mind and soul of our clients.

Practice! Practice! Practice! Practicing is the only ways to ensure that our mind don’t go blank when we come to our actual presentation! We can gather few of our colleagues together before the actual presentation, and we can take turn to play the role of being the “client”. The “client” can anticipate questions, and “throw” the questions to the presenter during the Questions and Answers Session. We can provide constructive and creative feedbacks to each other after the practice session.

Know Our Clients We can break the ice with our clients before the presentation through small talk. By doing so, we get to know more about them, and we will feel less nervous during the presentation to our clients.

Know The Room And The Equipments We can be meeting our clients in different meeting room in our own building, or in our client premises meeting room. Be there early, and take a good look at the surrounding, especially the equipments. It is good to test our Microsoft Powerpoint slides with the projected screen and wireless presenter before the presentation to avoid any embarrassment during the presentation.

Relaxation We may visit the wash room to freshen ourselves, and take a deep breath to further relax our mind and our muscles. We need to sleep early the night before, so that we are more alert on the very day for our presentation. Remember to drink more water before the presentation, or put a cup of water in front of you (we can drink it during the presentation).

Visualise Ourselves Giving The Speech Don’t just sit in the corner, and wait for time to pass for your presentation! Imagine ourselves giving the speech, and it will help us during the actual presentation. It is a form of practice in the actual meeting room (if we have the luxury of time).

Proper Planning Prevent Poor Performance Remember, we only have one chance of creating good image of ourselves, as well as creating good image of our products and services during the presentation. By doing so, our client could help us to spread good words for our company. The company benefits from the clients, and we benefit too.

Leadership Mini Series (Part 1) :Bonding An Organisation

contributed by Lawrence Quek, member of AS-MS Team

There are three types of peoples in the world :
- Peoples who make things happen
- Peoples who wait for things to happen
- Peoples who ask what happen

To shape organizations in today global economy, we need peoples who make things happen. It doesn’t matter whether it is volunteer organizations or non-volunteer organizations. It is very critical and crucial that things happen in the right direction base on organizations mission statement and vision statement. We need to bond peoples from all walks of lives, peoples of different cultures, and peoples of different races. It is not what happens to organizations, but how organizations handle what happens that makes the difference. To achieve that, we need 4Cs – Commitment from all individual, Adapting to Changes, Communication of daily affairs, and “Commence with an end in mind” mindset.

Commitment from all individual
Everyone from every level in organizations needs to comprehend and agree on the mission statement and vision statement of the organizations. Upon understanding and agreeing on the mission statement and vision statement, every individual needs to commit on it. The organization would be stronger as every member of the organizations is the ambassador of the organizations.

Adapting to Changes
Change ! Change ! Change ! Change is the only constant in today global economy. We need to embrace changes in organizations, as individual, and as a team. Through embracing changes, we would be positioning ourselves better in any organizations, and help the organizations to grow from strength to strength.

Communication
As ambassador of the organizations, information is required to flow down from top management to every individual in organizations without distortion in the message. With updated information, the creditability of the organizations would be well maintained, as every individual has been updated with the latest “happening” in the organizations.

“Commence with an end in mind” mindset
It is vital for us to have “commence with an end in mind” mindset. We face problems and issues when we are performing our roles. We need to “close” the problems and issues, and not “to sweep it under the carpet” temporary. Challenging the problems and issues, as a team, and as an individual, would help organizations to be more productive and more efficient.

I would like to conclude with the following quotation of Arthur Friedman

"Men of genius are admired
Men of wealth are envied
Men of power are feared
But only men of character are trusted"

Bringing Out A More Confident Person and A Leader In You

contributed by Lawrence Quek, member of AS MS Team

Close your eye and imagine this world without communication. Communication is the only tool in the world to bond the peoples together. The ability to communicate clearly, correctly and confidently is critical and crucial. We can be misunderstood through miscommunication, and miscommunication can cause misunderstanding.

Five years ago, my friends invited me to a Toastmasters Club chapter meeting, it was a free preview session. There were Table Topics Session for members to practice speak off the cuff, Prepared Speech Session for members to do their projects to achieve different objectives each time, and Evaluation Session for the Project Evaluator to provide creative and constructive feedbacks for those who has done their projects. The Language Evaluation Session inspires me the most, the Language Evaluator in this session is someone who evaluates the usage of English Language, and provides word of the day. I realized that nobody is born to be an effective public speaker or presenter, he or she requires practice, only Toastmasters environment can help us to be a better public speaker or presenter.

Are we born to a leader? Is our direction to our followers clear and concise, and they get what we mean? It doesn’t matter which organization we are in, volunteer or non-volunteer organization, leadership skills count! It can make an organization grow stronger or grow weaker!

After being a club officer for six months, I was invited to be Vice President Public Relation Officer for one year. Attending to public enquiries about Toastmasters and its benefits, as well as newsletter publication is my roles and responsibilities. The club achieved President Distinguished Club status in the term 2003/2004, the highest award any Toastmasters Club can achieved and recognized by Toastmasters International. I realized that nobody is born to be a leader, a leader can only be respected and being a friend, unless he or she motivates and inspires his or her followers.

Two years later, Whampoa Toastmasters Club was chartered with the objective of helping peoples to be a better public speaker or presenter, and a better leader. It was done with the help of Pioneer District 80 Governor, Gea Ban Peng, Distinguished Toastmaster.

Communication skills and leadership skills work hand-in-hand for all of us. With effective communication skills, we can lead more effectively being a leader with effective leadership skills. At the same time, we are shaping ourselves and shaping our world, inspiring peoples and enhancing lives.

Visit http://whampoa.freetoasthost.com for more details on Toastmasters and its benefit, or email us at whampoatmc@yahoo.com.sg for further enquiries. Contact Lawrence Quek @ 9459-4197 for chartering of Toastmasters Club for companies or other communities.